Barriers to Healthy Marriage
This blog post was featured in the Huffington Post on June 21, 2017.
Partners in marriage need to talk, to share past experiences and future aspirations; to prevent emerging problems and solve pressing crisis’.
In the past, the “partners meeting” used to take place during meal time and at night when partners went to sleep. It was called, “pillow talk.” It was also a good warming up for a sexual encounter that cemented the relationship further.
In today’s hectic world, with double careers, time is at premium. During the day, there is simply no time to talk. Pillow talk is now more indispensable than ever.
This indispensable time for pillow talk is endangered by electronic gadgets and social networking through the internet, which are penetrating the bedroom and stealing the time that used to be devoted to pillow talk.
First it was the TV. Then came the laptop and now the smart phone. Instead of having pillow talk partners start surfing the web, Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Snapchat and whatever else is there. Then newscasts are watched and emails are being answered. By the time the partners finish this ritual they are both sleepy. Sex is not attractive since there is no foreplay (no time) and they go to sleep, maybe just uttering a word or two of good night. The result is that the partners become increasingly “cold” to each other. With diminished communication, the emotional distance grows. Moreover, with diminished communication, problems are not handled proactively until they are a crisis. Then it is not a pillow talk. It becomes a pillow fight.
These electronic devices are addictive. You see partners in restaurants each holding a smart phone punching something on it and not talking to each other.
Communication with children declined for the same reason to the detriment of building and nurturing family cohesion.
Some partners welcome electronic gadgets to their life so they do not have to relate to their spouses. Wonderful excuse. But then it is not a marriage except on paper. They are strangers that cohabit a house. Strange kids of such marriages, I believe, end in gangs or on drugs, or join a very radical religion. They need, their affiliation needs, to be satisfied somehow. Someone to love them now somehow.
Ban all electronic gadgets from the bedroom and dining room or your home will cease to be a family home and become a dwelling for cohabitation.
Ichak Kalderon Adizes