Let me start with the bottom line: My insight is that creative people have problems with intimacy.

Why?

When I create-rather than just being creative-when I write or do my coaching or consulting, I am one hundred percent present, focused on what I do. I am inspired – what Wayne Dyer calls “in spirit,” and what I would call “totally integrated” – with what I am doing. If you stop me in the middle of my writing or consulting and ask me which day it is or even what season are we in, it will probably take me thirty seconds to disengage my mind from my work enough to be able to answer.

When I create, I am not in the room. I am actually nowhere. So I do not notice or feel anybody else around me.

What happens when I am not busy creating, but I am creative as a person? My mind wanders. My body is there but my mind is not where my body is. I think about something or observe something intently. My son or wife could be talking, but triggered by something they said, my mind starts to wander, and then I am listening to my mind, not to what they are saying.

It’s hardly strange that they claim I am the worst of listeners.
I am now on a two-week vacation in Paris with my fifteen-year-old son. He is not getting younger and this is probably my last opportunity to bond with him.

I am having a hell of a time being present. And I know that if my mind is not where my body is, I will have no real memories of being with him. So I am struggling to bring my mind to the place I am in; to bring my mind to be with him and not somewhere else.

I wonder if it is just me, or if all creative people whose minds are busy all the time have problems being intimate, because intimacy requires presence of the mind.

Is there any research on the subject that anyone is aware of?
What are the methodologies for staying present when the mind is wandering ? I know about meditation, but what about day-to-day being with someone?

I would appreciate your input.

Sincerely,
Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes