On Fear and Anger
How did it happen that the prophet Daniel walked into the lions cage and the lion didn’t do anything to him? Did God do something to the lion so the lion did not attack, or was it Daniel that did something that caused the lion not to attack?
My insight : Daniel believed in God with all his soul and trusted God that God would protect him. There was no signed agreement between God and Daniel that God would do that. Daniel simply trusted God. Because he trusted God, he felt no fear and when you feel no fear you do not project that you might attack proactively to defend yourself. If you do not project aggression, there is no need for the other party, in this case the lion, to attack you proactively in its defense. I learned this taking a walking safari in Africa many years ago. We walked through the reserve without guns, without any protection. I admit I was scared, we might be attacked. There were lions, there were many wild animals left and right. The guide calmed us down telling us that every animal has a perimeter within which that animal feels secure and as long as you do not cross that boundary, they leave you alone; If you don’t threaten them, they will not threaten you.
I took it with a grain of salt because if an animal like a lion is hungry, its radius is probably much bigger. The fact however is that we walked that safari for days and nothing dangerous happened. When you feel confident, have no fear, it vibrates and those that could feel threatened by you, have confidence that you’re safe and they do not need to attack you proactively.
This has applications for personal life and marriage life. Something happens and one of the partners in the marriage feels that maybe they are not loved. Maybe it happened because the spouse raised their voice or did not show attention or whatever. Now the one that feels that way, has a fear: I am not loved. I’m not appreciated. I’m being ignored. The fear activates an attack. It will show in their negative attitude, in their tone of voice, and now what happens? Now, the other person feels attacked and develops his or her own fears of not being loved, and because of the fears they attack in return. And what happens now? Escalation. Bigger attacks yield bigger fears, that provoke even bigger attacks, that provoke bigger and bigger attacks and fears… and the result could be appearance in court for a divorce or a separation.
My Mantra :
Speak without offending,
Listen without defending,
Love without depending and
Live without pretending.
Speak without offending- if you’re offending, it is because you are scared, you’re scared of losing an argument. Or, you might be scared of not being heard, not being appreciated, you fear that your feelings or ideas are not given the weight they deserve. It could be generated by past experiences which have nothing to do with the present situation but “past music” in your head does interfere with present music you hear now.
Listen without defending. Why are you defending? Fear again, that you might lose an argument and if you lose an argument its proves that you’re not as smart as you think you would like to project yourself to be, or, again, you perceive of not being listened to, or being dismissed. Fears. Fears. Fears.
Love without depending. Once you depend on love from other people to give it to you, you’re living in fear that they might leave and that’s painful and now what happens? You fight not to lose the love that you so much depend on, and as you fight, you might be suffocating the other party. You might be limiting the other party to love you on their own volition. Your expectations, your demands turned them into suppliers of love whether they want it or not. They might resent it and there we go into fears and anger that destroys arelationship…..
Live without pretending. Why are you pretending? Fear, fear that you’re not good enough and you have to wear a make-up to look more beautiful than you really are naturally.
Eliminate fears. Eliminate expectations. Trust God, or if you are an atheist, trust yourself at least, be calm, and you can walk into a hostile meeting and survive like the prophet Daniel did.
Ichak Kalderon Adizes