In my lectures about capi, I define what is power.

Power is defined as the capability to punish or reward, and to withhold expected results is a punishment.

Which means, power is to grant or withhold expected rewards.

First conclusion of this definition is that to expect is to give power to whatever or from whomever you expect anything.

Expect less or nothing and be free.

And who has power over you, my lecture continues?

Whoever you need for anything, and how much power that person has over you is determined by how much you need them and how much monopoly they have over what you need.

I proceed to say that this explains why love is such an overwhelming experience. We say to our beloved:

”I need you.  I cannot live without you and you are the only one.”

The way to be free, I say, is to say, “I do not need you that much and you are not the only one.”

And what happens, than?  You have removed the danger of having pain, of being punished, in a sense, when your beloved does not respond as expected but than you remove also the reward of being in love.

Interesting development of an idea. Right?

I came across a quote by Eric Fromm, the famous psychiatrist, who clarified for me better what love is.

He says: ”Do not say: ‘I love you because I need you. Say: I need you because I love you ‘.


Do not love because you need anyone. That is where love becomes a power game.

Love independently of need.

This is totally different from what I have been saying in my lectures.

Love should be independent of needs. Love because you love. Period. Nothing to do with needs. Than, you need someone because you love them.

Love without question. Without needs. Without limits. Without conditions. Love as a natural ongoing response to being.

In that case love is not overpowering. It is not a power game. It is not based on expected rewards, emotional or otherwise. It is what it is. It is like breathing. You do not compute the value of breathing. You just breathe.

Be loving as a person, period.

No one can take it away from you. It is who you are.  It is not a response to anything. It is what it is.


Much to learn. And never too late to love. Truly.


Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes