This is a dangerous blog to write because I have learned that I get into trouble anytime I write something that impacts women in any way. I hope not to this time. 


Women complain about violence. Physical violence is a crime and should be punished. No one should suffer from violence. Period. I shudder when I see women with black eyes, blue arms, maybe even afraid for their life. 


Women get married out of love. They want love. It  must be devastating spiritually, emotionally, not to mention physically, to be attacked by the person they used to love or maybe still love.


When I was in high school, I volunteered to teach Israeli folk songs and dances to teenage girls incarcerated in prison. Most were serving sentences for prostitution. I have seen what physical abuse can do to a woman. More so than to a man. Men fight, they face physical confrontations without much contemplation. Not women. They are sensitive, and physical confrontation is not in their usual repertoire.


But women know how to be abusive too. Differently. They might scream at their spouse, put them down, or call them names. And accuse not only the spouse but their mother and family as well. 


I suggest that while women seek love, men seek respect. Do not misunderstand me. Both seek love and respect. It is the ratio I refer to. For women, love is in first place and respect in a close second place. Men, on the other hand, first of all want respect. Love can take second place. 


For a man, being screamed at, put down, and criticized for real or imaginary failures is tantamount to being hit with a hammer over the head.


In this case, you do not see the black eye and the blue arms. They are in the soul of the man. They feel beaten and wounded to the core. The woman they married out of love is now showing total rejection. It hurts. It hurts enormously. No less than physical abuse. 


I have not seen a case where a man sues a woman for emotional abuse like women sue for physical abuse. There must be a reason for it and I do not think it is because emotional abuse hurts less. Does anyone know why?


Yes, women should protect themselves by all means from physical abuse. Take men to court. Imprison them when the abuse calls for it. 


What about women who are becoming more and more dominant, ruling the nest with a strong fist, and feel they have the freedom to be emotionally violent?


Just thinking,


Ichak Kalderon Adizes