The Road to Happiness
Audio blog transcribed & EDITED
In my meditation today, I got an insight that I would like to share with you about happiness. I was reciting my prayer, that I always do in my Heartfulness meditation, and it goes something like this (I’m paraphrasing): “Oh, Master, you are the ultimate goal of human life. But we are slaves to expectations, wishes, that block our way to you. And you’re the only power that can make us get to our goal.”
Initially, I was feeling uncomfortable with the prayer because, who is this Master? I don’t like personality cults. So, I asked the guru, am I praying to you? He says, no, no, no. God is the Master. But is God the goal of human life? How could that be? Do I want to be God? Then I realized in my meditation, and that is what I want to share with you, that God is absolute integration. God is everywhere, with no space nor time limitations. Love too, has no time nor space boundaries. And LOVE, total integration, is synonymous with HAPPINESS. When you are happy, you feel complete, totally integrated, not missing anything in your life. You feel love.
Now, why is integration, love , happiness the goal? Because when there is integration, there is no waste of energy. We are all together, our emotions, thoughts, actions…. That is why when we are impressed with someone we say : this person has it all together. Or, this family has it all together, or this company or country has it all together…. An Integrated person does not waste the available, limited, fixed energy, to deal with internal demons that cause one to feel disintegrated, falling apart.
We can now substitute the word “Master” with the word “Love” or “Happiness,” and we can say: “Happiness, you are the real goal of human life.” We all want to be happy, right? Nobody wants to be miserable. And happiness as a goal has been presented to us by philosophers from the dawn of humanity.
Now, why do expectations bar our way to happiness, to love, to integration? Because expectations are a leg on the ladder of disintegration. The first leg on that ladder is the word “wish”, I wish something. Why is it leading to disintegration? Because when you wish, it means that you’re missing something, you are lacking something. That’s why you wish. The moment you say “I wish,” oops, it is the beginning of disintegration and the first leg on that ladder. The next leg on the ladder is “I want;” You are already starting to demand. Next level is, “I expect.” Do you see what’s happening? The level of perceived controllability is increasing: wish>want>expect. And what’s the next level after that? “Demand,” and after that on the ladder of dissatisfaction with increased perceived controllability, “I deserve” then “I’m entitled to” and next “I’m angry” and last step in the disintegration: “ I will destroy those that have what I want, and I do not have…”
Wish >want>expect>demand>deserve>entitled>angry>destructive hate
Disintegration is the antidote to integration, which is love. And that’s why at the end of the disintegration ladder is hate. On one side, you have a ladder of love, on the other you have the ladder of hate. That’s why wishing , wanting , expecting bar integration, happiness . A Jewish sage already said: “A happy person is one that is satisfied with what he has.”
So, what should we do? Be a vegetable? Expect nothing? Want nothing? No. We should have a goal, but not derived through wanting and expecting or worse from demanding or feel entitled. It should be derived from being who we are, following our purpose in life, not what we want but whatever that force, guidance, made us realize who we are and why we are here on earth.
People are born twice. Once physically. The second time when they realize why they were born. Many of us have not discovered it, but once you discover it, it fills you up. And whenever you do it, you feel self-fulfilled. And whenever you don’t do it, you feel miserable, like you’re wasting your life. When you follow your inner light, your purpose, if when breathing your last breath somebody asks you: do you feel any remorse, any sorrow that you wasted your life? You should be able to say “no, I lived my life to the fullest, I have no remorse.”
Do you know what your life is about? What fills you up? When you do it, you do it because you can not help not to do it. It is something that is you, your passion, what you love to do. I’m the lucky one. Here is my example.
When I was 11, right after the Second World War Holocaust, hungry, no friends, harassed for being Jewish, I read a book by Anton Makarenko, a Russian author, an educator. He was running an institution for teenage delinquents. In that book he describes how he made them respectable members of society, how he healed them. And I decided that I’m going to do the same. I’m going to help people and I´m going to write about it like Makarenko did. And that’s what I’ve been doing for 71 years of my life. I’m 82 now.
What is your passion? I have a client, he is a billionaire. I asked him, if you made another billion dollars, how will it change your life? He says, Oh, it’s not the billion dollars I work for. I don’t even know how much money I have. It is like mountain climbing. I climb a mountain because I love to climb mountains. That’s who I am. A mountain climber.. That is my passion. It’s not being at the top of the mountain, but the climbing, conquering the mountain that is gratifying.
What’s your mountain? What fills you up? What gives you energy? What makes it worthwhile living? That is what you should do and do the best you can and without expecting anything, just do the best you can and leave the rest to the system and show gratitude. Show appreciation. You did your best, and the system is supporting you to be the best you can be. And if it does not work, there must be a reason. And the reason is for you to learn how to do it better next time. Like falling off the bicycle. But what about the billionaire that is self-fulfilled, he is making money, he is building an empire, is really building something, feels very good about it, but let’s assume that in doing so his company is polluting the air, polluting rivers, polluting society by firing people that are untrained for the new world. He is disintegrating society, the world we live in. You should not only integrate yourself, but integrate yourself with the world in which you live. That’s why the rest of the prayer says, “Love, You are the only way to get to love.” You need the seed to make a tree. The way to get to love is through love. Starting with love. Start loving yourself first, integrate yourself first, be complete with yourself first, then your family, then society. The more love, the more happiness. The longer you will live
Ichak Kalderon Adizes