What Is a Macho Man?

I wonder what the difference is between a “macho man” and a so-called “real man”? Macho men are accused of being controlling, insensitive, dominating people whom women, by and large, cannot stand.One day I was walking my dog on a leash on the beach next to my home. My dog was barking and trying to attack every dog that came across our path. My friend who was walking with me asked, “Why don’t you let the dog off the leash?”“What?” I replied. “He will be out of control.”“The opposite,” my friend continued. “Dogs on a leash feel constrained, insecure. So, when another dog approaches, they attack proactively to defend themselves.”The macho man reminds me of a dog on a leash. Men who are scared of women put on a show of bravado, put on a mask of being tough and strong and non-compromising, all in order to defend themselves from women they fear.What they are scared of is of being castrated by a woman, that she will hang their balls around their ears and humiliate them in public. That women will take their freedom away. That they will be criticized and disrespected. So, they create an environment where they believe this cannot happen by being very “macho.”They became macho probably either because their mother was a ball-busting woman or their father was weak and hurt by women and told his son to watch out for women, that they are snakes, that he should keep them barefoot and pregnant so they do not run away….and do not let them work. If they start earning, they do not need men anymore. You will lose any control over them and you are dead as a man.So who are those macho men? They are scared little boys who puff themselves up to look like formidable men to scare women into submission.A “real man” is not scared of women. He knows he can hold his ground. Women will test him from time to time, complain, accuse, bitch, and moan, to check if they are safe with him. That he will not run away. That he really loves her and is committed to her in spite of her changing moods.When a woman raises her voice a real man does not get panicky and upset. He probably assumes she is testing her vocal cords or something. Nothing to be upset about. He is confident about his power, his position, and his capabilities to handle the emotional rollercoaster behavior of his woman.So my insight is: Ladies, if you have a macho man in your life—a husband, a lover, or a significant other—first of all get rid of your own fears that you need to control the man. Let go of the leash. The worst that can happen is he will run around a little bit, smell some asses, and come home and be a poodle.

Written by
Dr. Ichak Adizes