Why We Hurt the Ones We Love

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It is a known phenomenon that the people we give the hardest time to are the people who are closest to us, whom we love. Those we don’t love, we ignore. We might criticize them, but we don’t bother to approach and reprimand them. The ones we reprimand the most and criticize the most—and thus give the most pain to—are the ones we love the most.
  It should be just the opposite, right? The ones you hurt the least should be the people you love, so why do you hurt them the most?
  None of us is perfect. We all have strengths and weaknesses. And whom do we love? The ones who complement us, who exhibit strengths in areas where we are weak.
  And now what happens?
 We get upset when they don’t share our dominant skills. We forget that they are not us!!!!! And they criticize us for what we are weak at and they are strong at. And the relationship swerves onto a dead end—sometimes to a complete breakdown.
   Change your mindset.
   Remember: You married them because their strengths are your weaknesses, and by the same token, their weaknesses are your strengths. So by definition, they are not you. They, by definition, cannot do as well as you can do in certain realms.  So stop expecting from each other the excellence you expect from yourself.
 Use your strength to help your partner in his weakness, and your partner should use his or her strength to help you in yours.

Written by
Dr. Ichak Adizes
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