Following Immanuel Kant, the philosopher, Respect means to recognize the sovereignty of the other party to be different. In interactions, we do should not criticize the other party for why they do not think like us. We rather respect their right to think differently.

We should recognize the undeniable right of the other person to think differently, because we learn from differences. As Zen Buddhism says: “If two people agree on everything, one of them is not necessary.”

When we disagree with each other and respectfully exchange our knowledge and biases, new knowledge develops. Synergy occurs but only if we are willing to learn from someone who disagrees with us.

Developing Mutual Respect

Not all cultures have it as part of their behavior. Some cultures translate the word “respect” as “to honor,” which is a ritual in how we handle each other: open the door for others, offer them a seat, etc.

I believe psychologists, or behavioral scientists, try to develop the desired behavior of mutual respect by changing people’s perceptions and attitudes. Adizes methodology changes behavior the opposite way. We change behavior to change attitude.

The methodology requests that the person behave respectfully from the first moment of the interaction. There is no need to prove that the other person is worth respecting.

In Adizes, we request that people behave respectfully, i.e., no interruptions, not advancing independently through the eight steps of decision making, etc. By behaving respectfully, an environment of learning develops, and people develop respect for each other.

We should  respect the other person although we do not know if they deserve to be respected. We need to give them a chance. If we learn something new, it confirms that our respect was worth giving. If repetitively we learn nothing from the exchange, or worse, it becomes a competition of who is smarter, it is time to disengage. Do not waste time on people who disagree with you and from whom you learn nothing in the exchange. These people are “blue,” and you should avoid wasting time on them.

Allow me to explain the concept of “blue” with a joke.

A tiger and an ass were discussing and arguing about the color of the lawn. The ass says, “It is blue.” The tiger says, “No, it is green,” and the ass disagrees repetitively, insisting that it is blue. No matter how hard the tiger tries to show that it is green, the ass repeats that it is blue. So, they went to the lion to decide who is right. And the lion said that it is blue and that the tiger should pay a $1,000 penalty. The tiger was very surprised: “You and I know that it is green, so why are you punishing me?” “Because you should not argue with assholes,” said the lion.

We should respect a priori, but if the other party has a closed mind, has already decided, and does not want to learn anything from our disagreement, interacting with them is wasting our time. Try to learn from others, but do not waste your time on “blues.”