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^{Note: Starting with this blog, I will use the language and tools of the Adizes Symbergetic™ Management methodology to express myself. Readers who do not know the methodology, even the basics, might find this and future blogs difficult to understand. My book Mastering Change, new edition, can be read in one afternoon. It can make any reader sufficiently knowledgeable about the methodology. It is available on Amazon.}

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When people ask me who I am, I wonder what answer to give.

There are multiple Me’s. There is the (P) in me, the doer, the achievement-oriented person. Then there is the (A) in me that wants control, order, and predictability in whatever I am involved with. Then there is the (E) in me that wants to make a better world, and the (I) that wants to belong, to love, and to feel loved.

So, who am I?

All of the above. We are multidimensional creatures. Some roles I love and some roles I perform simply because the situation calls to.

While the (PAE) roles are clear to me, the (I) role is not. I submit my latest thoughts. I appreciate your feedback.

Different Degrees of Integration

The (I) role which integrates the (PAE) roles and styles, when it joins the (c) of capi , which is now the integration not of functions, of roles , but of interests, creates a new level of integration which I denote as a sigma. It integrates differently and further than the (I) role alone or (c)api alone do.

The first level in integration is to integrate ourselves. We have all the (PAEI) roles competing in our heads. The (P) is driven by what to do, the (A) by how and by when to do it, and the (E) by why to do it — conflicts that the (I) role, needs to resolve. We also have a conflict of interests. On one hand we want to develop our career but at the same time we want to have a balanced life, to enjoy life and our family.

The next level of integration is integrating with people whose style and interests are different from ours, whether in marriage, at work, or in our community.

Next level of integration is with nature, art, music, connecting to something beyond ourselves.

At the first two levels of integration, I am conscious of me and my struggle to integrate. When we integrate with music, art and nature, we lose ourselves. We become part and parcel of nature, of art and music. All barriers to integration disappear. We become one with what we are observing. We lose the boundaries of who we are.

The (I) and (c) process of integration change with the level of integration. It starts with thinking, proceeds to feeling, and ends, through meditation, in absolute nothingness.

At the first level, to resolve the conflict between what I want, what I should do, and what reality demands from me, and to resolve my conflict of interests, I need to think, keep feelings under control, process information, and find a solution I can live with.

As I move to the next level of integration — integrating with people whose style and interests are different from mine — I need to reduce thinking somewhat and increase feeling; I need to feel the other person if I want to truly understand them.

At the next level, integrating with nature, music, and art, I need to stop thinking altogether and simply just feel. Thinking will interfere with the process of getting integrated, losing our breath as we feel absorbed by the music, by the art or by the beauty of nature.

The (I) role relates to who I am in my daily activities, performing the (PAE) roles: I work, I eat, I teach, and I integrate with other people whose style is different from mine.

When I feel integrated with art, music, nature, the (I) role changes. The experience is totally different. I get absorbed by the experience. I do not exist as a separate entity anymore. I am part and parcel of that piece of art of that music and nature. I become part and parcel of something bigger than me.

When I am integrated with something bigger than me, and I am lost in the experience, it is not “I” anymore. It is now ME as a consciousness. And “ME” is above “I”. It observes the “I”, criticizes it using absolute values that integrate everything including nature, music, art.

It feels as if the (I) role as a consciousness is external to the (PAE) aspects of who I am. It is my (I) as part of a larger (I). It is as if it is connected to an absolute “I” that provides conceptual instructions on how to evaluate what “I” am doing, why I am doing it, and how.

To be integrated with the next level beyond art music and nature, to feel at peace with the meaning of life and my role in the universe, I need to stop altogether both feeling and thinking. I need to let meditation take me to a place of silence so I can “hear” messages beyond myself and feel part and parcel of something absolute and permanent, which I call God. (My new book on how I discovered God will be available this summer)

We need to stop thinking and feeling. We need to surrender any expectation that we are in control of our life and to be open to receive messages from outside ourselves. In that silence we connect with the utmost wisdom and moral convictions and receive guidance about life and beyond.

The more we integrate ourselves on all levels — integrate our thinking, integrate with other people we care about, integrate with nature, art, music, and with the absolute values that drive this world (God?) — the more integrated we become, the more at peace our mind is, and the better is the quality of our life.

Confused? Join the crowd — but never give up exploring.